Does your child respond “dramatically” to loud sounds or shrink away with touch? Does he or she struggle to maintain an oral hygiene routine? These are common sensory avoidance behaviors. Here’s how to help.
What are sensory avoiders?
Sensory avoidance is when a person struggles to cope (or cannot cope at all) with external sensory stimuli in their environment, in addition to their internal and personal stimuli.
For instance, I can’t handle having hair legs and wearing pants. The hair rubs against the pants, and the hair on my legs is already too itchy.
The sensory input of heat triggers my anger, sometimes to the point of meltdowns. Then if my hair is down, or I’m wearing especially hot clothes, the situation can become what feels like the worst possible experience.
5 Behaviors related to sensory avoidance
Sensory-seeking behaviors are often viewed as more favorable than the sensory avoidance behaviors. This is problematic, as all behavior is communication and needs are ignored in favor of appeasing the parent or caregiver.
Here are some common sensory-avoiding behaviors.
1. Doesn’t like touch
Sensory avoidance behaviors are often associated with withholding affection, even though sensory avoidance and affection withholding are two completely different things.
Autistic and similarly neurodivergent people are mistaken for not experiencing love because they don’t show affection with touch. On the contrary, there are at least 10 love languages — five neurotypical, plus five neurodivergent. Everyone expresses love, affection, and appreciation differently.
Disinterest in hugs and kisses doesn’t mean your neurodivergent child doesn’t love you. Not wanting to hug you doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It just means they don’t want that sensory input right now.
Forcing them to receive physical affection anyway is trampling over their sensory needs and boundaries.
2. Physical aggression
Shoving and pushing someone away or hitting may indicate someone is overwhelmed on a sensory level. Give this person a moment to regroup. This behavior usually happens after a third-party’s insistent behavior to endure a sensory input anyway, for whatever reason.
The way you know the difference is by noting the intent and impact. Did they truly intend to be aggressive, and how aggressive were they?
There’s a major difference between an instinctual reaction to jump or shove the source of certain sensory input away, experiencing a PTSD episode, and anger problems.
As a sensory avoider, escaping the wrong kind of sensory input is as instinctual as choking when food goes down wrong or gets stuck. It’s like dropping a hot bowl because it’s burning your hands, even though it will break on the floor. The reaction to the external sensory stimuli is natural, yet problematic when neurodivergent people do it.
Click here for more help for autistic teens who are violent.
3. Picky eating
I’m autistic. I could eat the same food everyday, because I’m autistic. Food burnout will happen, because that’s sensory burnout. But at least the texture will be predictable for a decent time period.
Is your child truly a “picky eater”, or is that just the easiest way you can describe their eating habits through a neurotypical narrative? Remember: Children don’t have access to the same vocabulary as you. (Note: Click here for our favorite recipes for autistic picky eaters.)
I didn’t even have access to articulating my sensory experience until this past year, when I learned from others in the autistic community.
Your child’s not going to say, “The taste texture of grapes and tomatoes are too unpredictable, but this brand of this type of crackers tastes and feels the same every. single. time.”
They’re not going to say the meatloaf feels weird on their teeth or that forks feel like pins for the pin cushion that is not their tongue, yet that is what the experience feels like for them.
Instead, you’ll just hear that they don’t like it, it’s gross, or it smells.
4. Easily startled by sounds or light
No matter the decibel level (dB), if you or your child are easily startled by sounds or light, that could be a sign of sensory avoidance. This one is more subtle and lesser-known, like how a speaking autistic person might actually be a masking non-speaking autistic.
Think of a skittish cat. Controlled, predictable noise and light don’t bother a calm, skittish cat. The moment unpredictable stimuli occurs, however, that cat is running under the bed.
The cat’s behavior is instinctual. You could try to grab and comfort the cat, but they’ll scratch you to get away and hide.
People tend to be more forgiving towards skittish cats, whereas they chastise and gaslight sensory avoiders.
5. Sitting in lightless, quiet rooms
If you came into my room, you’d see little sunshine. The only light bulb turned on is that of my one wax warmer. I usually have both going, but I don’t want the scent of the other one right now.
Taylor swift music was playing on my Echo Dot 30 minutes ago, but the second album playing has since ended, and I left it off.
Ceiling lights are typically brighter than any lamp could be, and I might actually get a lamp later to use at night so as not to have to use the wired lighting. This isn’t a sign of depression, but rather a sensory haven.
The smell, lighting and noise level is pleasant.
If I were a teenager, a parent would suspect I have depression and am thinking about unaliving myself, because I don’t have noise in the background or light on.
Add snacks and iced water, and this is my typical writing environment. For me, it’s peaceful and calm, with the auditory input of my fingers typing on the keyboard at 75 WPM.
Sensory avoidance isn’t good or bad because sensory needs bear no morals. A sensory seeker is no better than a sensory avoider and vice versa. Nor are people with typical sensory needs better or worse than those with sensory sensitivities.
Sensory needs are as important to fulfill as any other needs. All people have needs unique to themselves, beyond the basics of food, water, clothing, shelter. Everyone being different from each other is part of what makes us human. I wouldn’t want to be surrounded by people who were just like me.
Do you think of yourself as a sensory avoider or do you know any sensory avoiders? Share about it in the comments below.
Click here for a free PDF printable checklist of the 7 steps to take when your child needs residential treatment.
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