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Home » Parents of Tweens: How to Be Firm But Not Too Strict

July 23, 2024 · Leave a Comment

Parents of Tweens: How to Be Firm But Not Too Strict

Parental Guidance & Education

When you held your child, a little baby, in your arms, did you ever have someone say to you, “Oh, she is sweet now, but just wait until the teen years!” When people said that to me as a young mom,  I cringed a little. Parenting a baby and then a toddler was hard enough. I didn’t want to wait in dread for the teen years!

As a mom of teens and pre-teens, allow me to reassure you. The teenage years are challenging, but they are not to be dreaded. My husband and I have 5 children through birth and special needs adoption, and we were foster parents to 35 foster children. I’ve done plenty of parenting.

I love parenting tweens and teenagers for so many reasons. One of your greatest joys will be watching your hard work come to fruition as your children mature into amazing young adults with whom you enjoy spending time.

These pre-teen years are an important bridge to the teen years. Here are 3 tips to be firm but not too strict.

Whether you find these ideas overwhelming or a relief, don’t lose heart. Parenting is not about perfection. These 3 tips will help you define a relationship with your child that will carry you through some of the more challenging aspects of the teen years and into a lasting relationship to come.

I’m thrilled to be joining a very special blog party put together by Lee at Like Minded Musings blog. She has put together a whole MONTH of resources just for Parents of Tweens.

A woman sitting on a couch with a text overlay that reads as Parents of Tweens: How to Be Firm But Not Too Strict
Read more to learn how to be firm but not too strict parents of Tweens.
Table Of Contents
  1. 3 Tips to Give Structure Without Being Too Strict as Parents of Tweens
    • 1. Build Your Relationship with Christ as the Center
    • 2. Continue to Offer Firm Structure
    • 3. Widen Pre-Teen Boundaries

3 Tips to Give Structure Without Being Too Strict as Parents of Tweens

The tween years can be a rollercoaster for both parents and kids. Your child is growing and changing rapidly, testing boundaries, and seeking independence. It’s essential to maintain a balance between providing structure and fostering their growing autonomy. Let’s explore three key strategies to guide you through this challenging phase:

1. Build Your Relationship with Christ as the Center

A strong foundation rooted in faith can significantly impact your relationship with your tween. This is a pivotal time for them to develop their own spiritual identity. Encourage their personal connection with Christ by sharing your faith journey openly.

  • Lead by example: Demonstrate how your faith influences your daily decisions and actions.
  • Create family traditions: Incorporate faith-based activities into your family routine, such as prayer, Bible study, or attending church together.
  • Support their spiritual growth: Provide opportunities for your tween to explore their faith independently, whether through youth groups, Christian books, or quiet time.

2. Continue to Offer Firm Structure

While your tween may push back against rules and expectations, it’s crucial to maintain consistent boundaries. Structure provides a sense of security and helps your child develop responsibility.

  • Establish clear expectations: Clearly communicate your expectations regarding behavior, chores, and schoolwork.
  • Be consistent: Enforce rules fairly and consistently to avoid confusion and resentment.
  • Offer age-appropriate responsibilities: Assign chores and tasks that align with your child’s abilities to foster independence.

3. Widen Pre-Teen Boundaries

As your child matures, it’s essential to gradually expand their freedom and decision-making abilities. This helps them develop a sense of autonomy and prepares them for the challenges of adolescence.

  • Listen attentively: Pay attention to your tween’s interests and desires.
  • Grant age-appropriate privileges: Allow your child to make choices within reasonable limits, such as selecting their own clothes or extracurricular activities.
  • Encourage independence: Support your child’s efforts to become more self-reliant by allowing them to handle responsibilities independently.

Parenting a tween is a journey filled with ups and downs. By prioritizing your relationship with Christ, maintaining a structured environment, and gradually expanding your child’s independence, you can create a nurturing and supportive foundation for their growth.

What strategies have you found most helpful in parenting your pre-teen?

Be sure to head over to the Facebook page for the Parents of Tweens blog party. There is great discussion and GIVE-AWAYS for free stuff!

More Helpful Posts About Parenting

10 Parenting Strategies for Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

7 Things You Need When Parenting a Child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

10 Effective De-Escalation Strategies for Aggressive Kids

About Sara

Sara Borgstede is a birth, adoptive, and foster mom who has parented children with attachment issues, RAD, trauma, developmental delays, autism (ASD), complex medical issues and many special needs. She worked for several years as a certified Family Advocate in the state of New York. She has a heart for real talk, honest conversations, and supporting parents who love children with the toughest behaviors.

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